Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
