I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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