I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
