Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
