bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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