never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
