if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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