so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
