you traded sex for a burrito?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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