Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
