Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
