Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
