I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we're so committed to being not committed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
