I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How does one acquire holy water?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
