Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
