And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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