we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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