explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
