She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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