What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
