i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
