Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
