Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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