Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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