Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
