I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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