sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
