We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
