She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am available for nakedness
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
