I love black thongs
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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