Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
