you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
