it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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