I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize