Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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