high people should be assigned attendants
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
