I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
