five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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