Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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