Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize