Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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