Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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