Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
