just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
