I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
