i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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