listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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