well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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