he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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