a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
