hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
