Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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