I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
