I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
