No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So apparently I’m into choking now
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