So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
