see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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