Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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