after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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