Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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