we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
