he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
