That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
