Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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