Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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