There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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