Where did you get a picture of my penis
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
