You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
