I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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