Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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