Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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