I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
