worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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