JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
