I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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