I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
