i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
