i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
