Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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