Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
