it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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