she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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