I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
